Silly, Odd and Ridiculous one shots
by LadyVukavo
Summary: Silly stories, serious stories, sad stories, bits and pieces that have popped in my head and I know not what to do with. Perhaps you can read and take it up as your own? Or simply read and enjoy, I hope.
1. Why so serious?

**_Plot bunny One: Why so Serious?_**

**_Summary: Harry, Sirius and Remus have a brief encounter in Gotham City._**

Harry, Sirius and Remus had been walking along the dark streets of Gotham throughout the night, not in the least worried. For one, they were wizards and therefore weren't scared of a few muggles' attempts at mugging them. For another, they had been bar hopping and therefore were already quite drunk.

At the moment, they were in the back room of a rather seedy looking bar, air so filled with smoke it was slightly difficult to see or breath in, yet no one cared, for they were all enjoying the poker game currently going on. Sirius and Remus were unconcerned by the oddly dressed opponent they were playing against. Considering the rather ridiculous robes that Dumbledore wore on a daily basis, they couldn't say anything against the muggle in a dark purple suit wearing clown make up on his face. Harry, whom would have been the expert on the fact something wasn't right with this muggle from his growing up in the muggle world, had taken one look at the smoke filled room and opted to remain in the main bar area. Therefor he didn't see the odd muggle, nor did he realize that he needed to wan Sirius and Remus about him.

The poker game had begun to really heat up, The odd muggle had seemed to be scowling more and more, until the last few hands that is. Now he seemed to be getting quite excited while Sirius grew aggravated and Remus grew nervous. The reason for this? Quite simply put, Sirius was trying to cheat using his magic and beginning to fail quite miserably.

After losing more money on the latest hand, Sirius stood up angrily, " That's it, I'm out! There's something not right and I'm sick of it. You're nothing but a cheater and I want my money back!" He demanded of the odd muggle, pointing his finger right in the man's face. He looked angry and imposing and ready to do damage, that is, until there was the sound of struggle from behind him and he turned to see Remus being held from behind with a knife to the throat and his wand hand held behind his back.

Sirius turned back around, to the odd muggle, scowling and then frowning as he himself was shoved up against the wall with a knife pressed to his own throat. " Now now, what's all this. We were having so much fun. We were all smiles and fun and games, but now things have gone down hill. " The odd muggle said in a patronizing tone, looking down at Sirius with an odd look in his eye. An odd look Sirius recognized from whenever he looked upon his crazy cousin Bellatrix. He gulped and began to sweat slightly as he tried thinking of what to do.  
None of that now.." The muggle said, running the knife slightly across Sirius's skin, not yet nicking the skin but coming close. " Things were so much fun, why'd you have to ruin it like this. Why have you gone sooo serious?" He asked, the manic gleam getting brighter within his eyes.

Remus was listening and trying to figure out a way out of this mess, but the moment the mad muggle asked that last question, he couldn't stop himself. He groaned as if in long suffering pain and shook his minuscule bit as he closed his eyes. The muggle looked enquiringly at Remus before turning back to see a smirking Sirius and the muggles confusion increased even more.

"Quite simple really. I have no choice." Sirius replied faux cheerfully. The muggle's confusion was all the more evident on his face now as he took a slight, inadvertent step back. " And why? May I ask do you have no choice but to be serious?" The muggle asked, looking again at Remus when Remus let loose another, more long suffering sigh than before. " Because," Sirius began and the muggle turned to him once more, " My mother chose my name!" He exclaimed before pulling out his wand, shouting "stupefy!" and catching the muggle off guard with the red light of the spell, pushing him back and knocking him out. Remus, used this as the perfect time, to flip the man holding him over his shoulder when he felt the man release him slightly in his shock. He then cast his own stupefy on his own captor before turning to Sirius with a frown.

"What?" Sirius asked of Remus. Remus merely shook his head, turned around and left the room to join Harry. Sirius followed confusedly, and slight downtrodden after collecting all the cash. Harry took one look at the two of them, sighed and ask, " He did this serious, Sirius joke again didn't he?" before getting up and him and Remus leaving the bar, leaving Sirius to catch up.

_Author's note: I've been wanting to read a "Why so serious?" with Joker/Sirius Black for quite a few months and have been completely unable to locate any, even simple one shots such as this. So I said screw it and wrote one myself. It's nowhere near as satisfying as I was hoping it would be but perhaps others will find enjoyment out of it, or can even come up with their own, more entertaining ones themselves?_


	2. Don't clear your mind, fill it up to bur

**_Plot Bunny Two: Don't clear your mind, fill it up to bursting!_**

**_Summary: It's after the first Occlumency with Snape, but instead of merely asking how it goes and then brushing off his concerns, Ron manages to come up with a touch of brilliance and they go from there._**

Harry found Ron and Hermione in the common room after he finished with his First Occlumency lesson with Snape. He sat down in the armchair beside Ron and watched as Ron obliterated Hermione in a game of Wizards chess. He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes against the incoming headache.

" So how'd it go?" Hermione asked genially, looking up from the chess board after watching her King surrender his crown to Ron's knight. Her curious face quickly morphed to a concerned one as she noticed Harry's slightly trembling hands as he messaged his temples. "Harry?" She inquired softly.

Ron looked up from putting away the chess set at the tone in Hermione's voice and turned to Harry. " Bloody hell mate, you look horrid! What did that greasy git do to you!?" He exclaimed loudly when he too noticed the state Harry was in.

Harry winced at both the volume of Ron's exclamation and the fact people were now staring at them to see what was going on. " Honestly Ronald!" Hermione sighed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes before turning her attention back to Harry. " What happened Harry? What did he say?" she asked. "Forget what he said! What the hell did he do?" Ron exclaimed once more, though thankfully much more quietly so that the others in the great hall grew bored and turned away.

Harry frowned as he thought about the last hour or so. " He said a lot of things, he explained how mind is a complex and many-layered thing, before sliding in an insinuation that mine may not be complicated in the least. He explained that I need these lessons because Voldemort probably knows I've been seeing through his eyes and will use it to his advantage if I don't learn occlumency but at the same time he said something about how those who wear their heart on their sleeve are too weak and pathetic to learn occlumency in the least. Then he consecutively told me to clear my mind, to shut off my emotions before casting Legilimency on me to see inside my head." Harry explained.

Hermione leaned forward eagerly as Harry explained, a quill and parchment in her lap as she took notes and started marking down things she wanted to look up in the library. Ron, on the other hand, looked appalled. " What do you mean You-Know-Who will use it to his advantage?" Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration, still writing. " Oh honestly Ron, it's obvious. If Harry can see through You-Know-Who's eyes, what's stopping him from seeing through Harry's?" She explained before looking imploringly at Harry. " Harry you really have to work hard at this. This is important and dangerous. Think of all the information You-Know-Who can get if you don't." She said, her expression imploring Harry to understand.

" Don't you think I know that!" Harry exclaimed, leaning forward and growling in frustration as he ran his fingers roughly through his hair. " I tried Hermione! I did! But the more I tried to clear my mind, the more full it seemed to get. My mind began running a mile a minute about anything and everything!" He explained, his own tone imploring her just as much to understand what he was trying to say.

Ron looked back and forth between his two friend confusedly. " Well if you can't clear your mind, why not let it fill up like it's been trying to do." He suggested with a shrug of his shoulder. Harry and Hermione both turned to look at him, Harry confusedly and Hermione with a clearly exasperated look on her face. Ron frowned and leaned forward, scooting up in his chair to get closer. " NO! Look, I'm serious! Don't clear your mind next time. Your mind wants to fill up, so fill it up. But instead of having it go everywhere and anywhere, think about specific things." He explained, his voice getting louder and his speech faster as he grew more excited and confident. " Start small, like when he goes to Legitimize you or whatever.." "It's Legilimens Ronald" Hermione muttered, but Ron ignored her and continued. " Instead of trying to clear your mind, concentrate on quidditch. What moved you wanna try on your broom, what orders you would give if you were still allowed to play, how it feels to chase after that snitch, things like that. Since you can't keep him out, keep him too busy with thoughts of quidditch to find anything else out." He explained, smiling happily as he finished his explanation.

Harry and Hermione were staring at him in complete shock. Ron shifted uncomfortably in his chair and frowned self consciously. "What?" He asked grumpily. "Ron..that..that's.." Hermione began, shock and awe clear in her voice. "Bloody Brilliant!" Harry finished for her, a huge smile adorning his face, one which Ron happily returned. " Well I can be smart too ya know." He said confidently. Hermione snorted and mutter, " It's bound to happen every once in a while." With a resounding "HEYYY!" from Ron, the three friends burst into laughter before calming down and beginning to write up their homework assigned essays for various classes.

The next night, as Harry walked down towards Snape's office for his Occlumency lesson, his mind was on Ron's suggestion, but it was also on all the silly pranks Fred and George had been coming up with and showing off around the school. He stepped off the last step into the dungeons when a wicked smile crossed his features. He had the best idea.

Harry got to Snape's office door and knocked, walking in when he heard the muffled "Enter" and shut the door behind him. When he turned to face his teacher, Snape was already standing, an aggravated look on his face and wand in hand. "Well Potter, let's see if you'll be as abysmally pathetic tonight as you had been last night." He said scathingly before raising his wand and shouting "Legilimens!" He cried out and Harry was assaulted with flashes of memories. He gritted his teeth and when he came to he found himself on his knees, teeth clenched and eyes screwed tight. He stood up abruptly and glared.

"Again" Snape said calmly. Harry quickly began thinking of Third year, the first class with Professor Lupin with the boggart taking the form of Snape. "Legilimens!" The lesson flashed through his head, followed by an image of Dean showing off sketched of Snape in Drag, followed by Dean's sketch of the Gryffindor lion on a sheet when Harry was walking onto the Quidditch pitch for his first ever game. The images stopped and Harry was again on the floor on his knees, but he smirked as he realized at first it remained humiliating pictured of Snape in drag. He smirked as he stood up once more, refusing to meet Snape's gaze and therefore missing the angry glare Snape was sending him.

"Legilimens!" An image of Neville turning into a canary, an image of the Weasley kitchen and Molly Weasley accidentally grabbed one of Fred and George's fake wands, an image of Dudley and the ton-tongue toffee incident. The images stopped and Harry was still standing. He was breathing hard, he was trembling slightly and he had a headache coming on but he had managed to control the images.

Snape glared at him even more fiercely and practically spat out another "Legilimens" before being assaulted with images from Harry's childhood. Images Harry didn't want him to see and Harry once more found himself back on the floor on his hands and knees, trembling even more terribly. "Pathetic. Did you not practice at all?" Snape spat at him. "Get out of here and come back Monday, 7 o'clock sharp." He demanded. Harry stood, wiped the sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his robe and left, heading back to the tower. He felt even worse then yesterday, but he was happier. It seemed to have worked before and his mind was running a mile a minute, trying to come up with other ideas.

When he got into the common room, he winced at the noise level, as he had an incredible headache. He spotted Ron and Hermione at a table doing homework. When they turned towards him, he merely nodded his head and gave them a thumbs up and headed for the silence of the dorms. Plans of a comfortable bed dancing through his head.

The next day, while working together on their mutual homework assignments in the library, he explained to his friends how it went the night before. Though Hermione tisked at their conversation, Ron and Harry came up with more and more ridiculous ideas of what to do next more often then actually work on their homework that day.

Monday evening was fast approaching and Harry was doing his hardest to dredge up every memory of Umbridge and her hideously pink office and McGonnagal in her feline animagus form. There weren't enough of the latter, but if he pulled this off correctly, it would do for tonight's lesson.

Harry walked down to the dungeons humming, with the occasional sing sing voiced words "here kitty kitty kitty" mixed in. He stopped when he got to the door of Snape's office, knocked and entered at the muffled "Enter." He smiled at Snape, whom in turned sneered at him before raising his wand.

"Clear you mind Potter." He instructed before shouting "Legilimens" Images of Umbridge's pink office, with it's many animated Kitty plates, flashed through his mind. Some were of Umbridge lecturing him, some with her simpering and others with him having to write lines with the blood quill (though that last fact seemed to escape Snape). Harry came to breathing a little harshly, but otherwise fine.

"Pathetic Potter. What part of 'Clear your mind' is so difficult for you minuscule brain to comprehend?" Snape spat at him before once more speaking the incantation. He was then assaulted by images of Professor McGonnagal transforming in front of the class in Third year. McGonnagal running through the halls, Mrs. Norris prowling the halls of Hogwarts and yowling at teachers and students alike. The images stopped once more, and once more Harry was merely breathing slightly harshly. He didn't even notice what Snape said this time as he concentrated greatly on what he wanted next.

"Legilimens" An image of Umbridge in her office, cooing at her animated plates, an image of Filch holding and petting Mrs. Norris and then an image that was complete fabrication of Harry's imagination. An image of Filch and Umbridge in Umbridge's office, Umbridge holding a yowling McGonnagal in cat form, while Filch held Mrs. Norris and they were both trying to put on hideous pink cardigans onto the cats.

Snape exited Harry's mind and Harry looked up to see his lips twitching, trying to suppress the smirk of amusement. Snape noticed the laughter sparkling within Harry's green eyes and scowled. "Out, I'm tired from your pathetic excuses for attempts to keep me out!" He spat before turning towards his desk in a clear dismissal. Harry merely smirked himself and walked out and back to the common room to finish his homework for the night.

Over the course of the next few months, Harry would continue assaulting Snape with ridiculous, silly, embarrassing (for Snape) and just plain disgusting images during his occlumency lessons, while in private he would attempt to meditate and clear his mind in private. The odd dreams of a corridor ending in a door continued to plague his nightmares at first, until he began meditating before bed and concentrating on quidditch, chess, swimming or imagining grand adventures in his head. Thus his dreams continued to be strange, but they began to reflect or revolve around what he meditated about the night before.

His Occlumency lessons continued until just before the Easter holidays, when Harry apparently crossed the proverbial line with Snape. He was in the lesson and going through images of Fred and George's pranks over the past few years, when Snape made one scathing comment about his intelligence and his father more than Harry could take for the night. He frowned and the next time Snape entered his mind, he was assaulted with images of Umbridge's office once more, then images of Harry meeting with the Minister of Magic at the Leaky Cauldron in third year, before he made up his own images of Umbridge and Fudge snogging at the Leaky Cauldron and then again in Umbridge's Office. In Umbridge's office, things ended differently though as Snape himself walked through the door and decided to join in.

Snape exited his mind, a look of utter rage and revulsion crossing his face. " Out! Out! Get out! And don't come back!" He yelled while fighting the urge to sick up at the same time. Harry rushed out of his office and up a few flights of stairs before he had to lean against a wall for support as he laughed his arse off.

The year continued to the exams, Harry continuing his meditation techniques before bed, therefor avoiding those odd dreams of corridors or horrifying nightmares. He didn't have another Occlumency lesson with Snape and Snape avoided eye contact with him at all times. Harry and Ron especially found it hilarious that Snape seemed to go out of his way to avoid Umbridge, her office or even conversation of her when at all possible.

_Author's note: I feel like it's a lame ending and middle but that's one of my major failing, the filler portions. I come up with scenes I find hilarious but have trouble with the filler chapters and the likes that lead up to those scenes. Hope you still enjoy it!_


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